I’m collecting words or phrases from people of different backgrounds to explore the different meanings of marriage today.
So I ask everyone:
What does marriage mean to you? Please reply with a word or a short sentence at will.
I interviewed 18 people from different countries, different age groups and different genders, and classified their answers into the following five categories.
Type One: Structural criticism and institutional questioning
Focusing on marriage as a continuation of institutions, social expectations and patriarchal culture, it emphasizes its oppressive nature on individual choices.
The United States | Male
“Legal contract.”
Foreign | Female
“On paper it’s patriarchal ass licking. I don’t care. If it happens it happens. Wedding is for aesthetics.”
17 years old | Chinese female
It’s quite restrictive. No matter what you want to do, you have to think about your family first. Only by not getting married can you always do what you want.
22 years old | Chinese female
“Restraint, responsibility.”
24 years old | Chinese male
Marriage is not the tomb of love, but if one gets married due to pregnancy or at a certain age, it becomes a shackle. Strong alliances bring a sense of achievement but no happiness. I can’t accept blind dates.
⸻
Type Two: Emotional evasion and cold distance
Expressing avoidance, coldness or fear towards marriage, usually not actively looking forward to marriage, and even feeling anxious or uncomfortable.
25 years old | Chinese female
It’s very far away. I’m the kind of person who never thinks about marriage.
Colombia | Male
“Scary chills.”
23 years old | Chinese female
The transformation from love to kinship is what I detest the most.
⸻
Type Three: Emotional dependence and companionship imagination
It expresses the expectation of marriage as a relationship of companionship, dependence and mutual growth, emphasizing the connection between the individual and the close other.
23 years old | Chinese female
“Rely on.”
23 years old | Chinese female
I think this person is reliable and I wish to have him by my side for the rest of my life.
23 years old | Chinese female
If I were to choose to get married, marriage should be about companionship. It should not be a cage that restrains me, but rather a life partner who can progress and grow together with me.
23 years old | Canadian female
Stable. I’m really looking forward to having a honeymoon trip like others. I really hope someone can do romantic things with me, but I hope the two of us are independent individuals and life partners.
Type Four: Gentle reality and daily desires
Marriage is regarded as a gentle picture of life or a spiritual comfort, not grand but desirable.
23 years old | Chinese female
“Living life is a very concrete thing, like a warm scene, I don’t know how it happened.” “
Iranian woman
“Peace.”
Thai woman
“Comfort.”
Type Five: Options and Personal Definition
Marriage is no longer fate or an inevitable path, but a way of self-determination.
22 years old | Chinese female
The opportunity to choose one’s own family.
25 years old | Chinese female
“Choice.”
23 years old | Chinese male
A vow and the ultimate destination of love.
Based on their answers, I extracted the key words.
Structural criticism: Contract, institution, Shackle, responsibility, Patriarchy
Emotional coldness: distance, fear, boredom, exhaustion
Emotional imagination: companionship, dependence, growth, romance
Gentle reality: daily life, peace, comfort, stability
Personal definition: Choice, agency, Self-construction
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